Should I Have Two Maids of Honor?

Should I Have Two Maids of Honor - Paper Swallow Events

I recently had a bride ask me what I thought about her having two maids of honor in her wedding. Is is "allowed"? Does it cause potential problems? How does she narrow down between these two friends if she decides to only go with one?

Sounds overwhelming, doesn't it?

Thankfully, the answer to this question is fairly easy, though there are a lot of factors the bride may want to consider that will make their life easier in the long run. But the short answer is:

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having two maids of honor.

The long answer: 

Be aware of what you are potentially getting yourself in to.

Having two maid of honors can be really great. Their job is a really large one, so having people to split the duties between can be so helpful. However, there is also a lot of potential for hurt feelings or complications. Here are a couple suggestions to help you avoid that:

Clearly Communicate

If you are going to have two maids of honor, split the maid of honor tasks between them as evenly as possible and inform them of their specific duties right from the moment you ask them. This way they do not end up debating later over who gets to host the parties, who gets to sign the marriage license as a witness, and who gets to hold your bouquet during the ceremony. If they know from the beginning, all you have to do is refer them back to their original job assignments.

Consider Their Personalities

Also take in to consideration the personalities of the women you are considering asking to be your maid of honor. Maybe one of them is your childhood friend, but she has a ton on her plate and, though you two are close, you almost never get to talk because she's so busy and stressed. As much as she loves you, being your maid of honor might be too much for her, and she would probably be thankful to take a smaller, but no less important role in your big day.

One of my brides was having a difficult time deciding until she took the personalities of her bridesmaids in to consideration. She knew two of them would be engaged before her wedding process was over, which meant they would have their own weddings to worry about, and after considering the other girls she made a choice that was both meaningful and stress relieving for her. The girl she chose has been a friend of hers for a long time and the girl's tell-it-like-it-is personality and get-things-done attitude meant that whatever jobs she was given would be done.

In Name Only

You can also consider putting both girls down on your program as your maid of honor, but giving all of the duties to just one of them with the option to reach out to the other girl where needed. This may help the other bridesmaids know who to turn to when they have questions and concerns. This is also a good option when you know one of the girls will be very difficult to get a hold of making planning things together nearly impossible. You want to avoid that point if you can so that you do not end up making decisions regarding your bachelorette party and other showers that your maid of honor is supposed to be taking off your plate. 

Come Back to What You Want

At the end of the day, however, go with what you want and what matters to you. You are the bride. Whatever would be more meaningful to you is what's most important; it's just good to know what you might be walking into.

Would you ever have two maids of honor? Do you foresee any other pros/cons that I did not cover here?

xoxo, Stacia