I've spoken before about the pros and cons of having multiple maids of honor. I've seen weddings done with one maid of honor who does all the work, two maids of honor who work together, two maids of honor where only one does the majority of the work, and one maid of honor who worked collaboratively with all the bridesmaids to use everyone's strengths. Each combination has its pros and cons and it really depends on the personalities of your group of bridesmaids as a whole combined with how well they know each other before they're all selected to be your maids.
But what does a bride do when she has more than two people whom she feels should be her maid of honor?
What happens when you have three or more friends who you want to be your maid of honor? Maybe you've been an inseparable group for as long as you can remember, or you are torn between your sister, childhood BFF, and college roommate. At what point do you have to pick and choose and risk hurting feelings? Is it worth even having a maid of honor if you're going to hurt feelings?
Personally, I believe that any more than two maids of honor just gets confusing and dilutes the privilege of the position. It can be hard to differentiate and at that point it seems better to not have a maid of honor at all. Not convinced?
I shared in my newsletter last week my favorite tip for choosing who should be your maid of honor when you're struggling to make that choice, but here are some more ideas you can think about to help you make that choice.
Just Make Them All Bridesmaids and Don't Have a Maid of Honor
Sometimes it's easier just to eliminate the position all together, especially if you think you'll run the risk of hurt feelings. If you're that close to all of the girls you're considering, I'm sure they'll all pitch in to help with all of the typical maid of honor duties. It's a big job so there will be plenty for each of them to do.
Ask a Sister to be the Maid of Honor if You Feel Like You Must Have One
If you feel the pressure that you absolutely must have a maid of honor, and you can't choose between friends without hurt feelings, sometimes it's safest to go with your sister. (If you don't have a sister, you could possibly ask your fiance's sister or even your brother if you two are super close and you want him involved.) Your sister has been there for you as long as you have both been alive. None of your bridesmaids should complain if you choose her for the big role. It's the most neutral you can get.
Pick the One Who is Most Organized + Responsible and Write the Other Girls Heartfelt Notes
As someone who has held the role of maid of honor, it's a big one and it requires someone who is organized and willing to be the "responsible one." Yes, one of your BFFs may throw great parties similar to what you're wanting for your bachelorette, but is she also the one who would be willing to play designated driver or calmly handle it if one of the other girls gets drunk?
From my personal experience, it's worth it to choose the responsible one as your maid of honor. I'm sure she'll still be willing to share her roles with the other bridesmaids, and you can always plant a bird in her ear that one of the other bridesmaids might have some bachelorette party ideas. Write each of your girls heartfelt notes to make them feel appreciated and then invite them along on important adventures (like dress shopping.)
How many maids of honor do you think is too many?
P.S. In case you noticed, I'm moving my normal Monday "My Week in Review" posts to Saturdays and changing the format just a bit. Right now you can look forward to longer, higher quality posts from me on Tuesdays + Thursdays with a little check in on Saturdays. Thanks for adjusting to this new schedule with me! xoxo